Marriages, they say, are made in heaven. This wise adage acknowledges the fact that married couples, like all human beings, are not perfect and thus are not exempt from the temptations of the world.

But, when you stop to think about it, there are millions of men and women who are happily married and support each other through good times and bad, simply because they love each other. The media seldom carries happy stories about them; instead, we hear startling divorce statistics, tales of discontent, bizarre stories of spouses murdering each other and their children, and other assorted horrors.

Still, 90% of people maintain that love is the reason for getting married. This is a blessing, not only for the couple themselves, but for everyone they touch: their children, their friends, and their neighbors.

Let’s take a look then at the key to a good marriage. I’d like to illustrate this by means of a story.

The story is about a man and a woman who were married. To make sure his wife fulfilled all her obligations the man drew up for her a set of rules. His list of do’s and don’ts included when she should get up in the morning, when to serve his breakfast and what household chores she should do before he came back from work. His job, he felt, was to be a good provider.

Many years later, this man died. With time, the woman met another man who was not controlling. Soon they were married. Her new husband did not give her a list of do’s and don’ts. He simply supported her with gestures of love and words of praise and compliments for everything she did.

One day while cleaning the house, the woman found the old list of do’s and don’ts that her former husband had made for her. Going through the list, she discovered she was doing these things and more for her new husband even though he did not give her any rules. More importantly, she had been doing them with love and without stress.

This only goes to show that love, not rules, is the key to a good marriage.

There are two ways to be in a relationship. One is by following rules, the other is by love. Rules are necessary to maintain order, and to create a just society, but when it comes to personal relationships rules are not the answer. Mary Magdalen is an example of someone who was not faithful to the rules, but when Jesus showed her another way, the way of love, she blossomed. St. Paul tells us that the only debt we owe to one another is the continuing debt of love ( Romans 13 : 8 ).

Many people, like the example of the man in the first marriage, do not see love as a continuing debt owed to the other. How often people excuse harsh actions and bad behavior in relationships ( especially marriage since that’s what we’re talking about ) because they don’t realize its all about love. Love, the beauty of the soul, is such a strong and unifying force that St. Augustine says you need nothing else. Thus he says, “Love and do what you like.”

Today, we should pause and give thanks for all the happy marriages around us, especially those who have celebrated their 25th, 30th, 40th, 50th and 60th wedding anniversaries. Many others are getting married each year and are staying together in spite of the problems and temptations of the world because of their commitment to love each other.

In spite of the bad news, the good news is that love and marriage are still alive and well in today’s society.

—Fr. Hugh Duffy