—Exodus 3 : 14

When Moses encountered God in the burning bush, and was commissioned to lead his people into the promised land he asked, “who shall I say sent me?”

God answered, “Tell them I AM sent me to you” (Exodus 3 : 14 ).

These simple words, I AM, are God’s words of self revelation to His people in scripture.

Much has been written by philosophers and theologians about these words and about how they portray God’s essence as identical with His existence. It is not my purpose to indulge in a philosophical or abstract discussion about the nature of God.

But the words, I AM, have always intrigued me, especially lately when I have had more time and leisure than usual to reflect about my own life in relationship to I AM.

Truth and insight come to us from the most unexpected places and in the most unusual times of our lives.  In the pervasive solitude of this “new normal” ushered in by Covid 19, I have been given lots of precious time to reflect on my life. Not just thinking superficially but penetrating to the deepest levels of who I am, to the core of my being. 

Naturally, I’m led to reflect on the events of my past, the people I knew, and life as it has unfolded for me. And, I realize that this is all part of who I am, what I have become, and of God’s mysterious plan for me. Through it all, He has been calling me to a deeper knowledge of myself through Him, the great I AM. He has never abandoned me and, even in my darkest hour, He has turned my life around and brought good out of evil. 

God has brought me to a realization of my essential being, of my essence, of who I am. The only thing I really must deal with is the NOW. This is where I am most complete, most content and most satisfied. 

The past is past. For good or ill, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  It is over. It’s done. 

I simply am the sum total of my life’s experiences, and God loves me unconditionally. 

My past, I realize, was God’s mysterious unfolding, culminating in who I am. So too is my future. I have no control over it. What will be, will be. But, I know it will continue to lead me to a deeper awareness of who I am.

My reality now is completely engrossed in who I am at the present moment.

In times past, I was a busy Martha, doing many things, working at my job, raising a family, and making money to put food on the table. This all-encompassing busyness, I realize, allowed the outer demands of my life to affect my inward reality, the better part. It distracted from what really matters, who I am in the NOW. This distraction, not only dictated the time I put into doing things, it even dictated my frame of mind as well. And, that frame of mind, removed from the real me, led to stress and stress led to exhaustion and exhaustion even led to illness. This was not the real me deep down.

To arrive at a sense of balance in my life, I had to learn to live in the now, to let go of distractions which prevent me from being who I am.  

And so, for me, what gives me the deepest consolation now is the continuous repetition of the words, “I am, I am,  I am.” 

God loves me and accepts me for who I am.  

—Fr. Mike Cassell