Settling differences is vital to maintaining harmonious relationships. It is clear from a reading of Matthew 18: 15-20 that genuine correction does not set out to condemn, scold or poke its nose into other people’s business. Correction, to be effective, must be done in a friendly, tactful and loving way: “If your brother commits some wrong against you, go and point out his fault, but keep it between the two of you.” Friendly correction sets out to win back a person whose loss is sorely felt. It is the result of a genuine sense of caring for the other person and of a strong sense of community that cannot bear to be adversely affected. The procedure in settling differences that is set forth in Matthew 18 is very clear, and it marries a sense of justice with compassion. The procedure is as follows:

Firstly, the gospel proposes that “if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” If that works, good, for “you have won over your brother.” This is a wholesome way of dealing with differences because it respects the other person enough to settle the matter privately at the outset of a fractious dispute or injury. This approach cuts abuse of any kind off in the bud because, in the interest of reconciliation, it prevents it from festering and spreading. 

Secondly, if the wrong cannot be settled privately “take one or two others along with you” so that “every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.” Rushing to judgement without establishing the facts is clearly contrary to justice and the gospel. Every effort must be employed to establish the facts and to be faithful to them in order to get to the truth. This is how we overcome hear-say or prejudice, and arrive at the truth of the matter based on facts and the evidence of witnesses.

Finally, if the person “refuses to listen” to the testimony of witnesses “tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a gentile or a tax collector.” Jesus describes the church in Matthew 18 : 20 as a community of believers: “wherever two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” Thus, if a person has committed a wrong and has no respect even for the community of believers, forget about it. You’ve done all you could. The Christian sense of the faithful, in theology, is referred to as “the sense of the faithful” (Sensus Fidelium in Latin) because this community is based on a deep respect for the gospel. 

It is clear that fraternal correction, whether offered or received, must be anchored in love. This love is practical. It does not float about in the air. It does not spend all day pondering  noble thoughts and sentiments. It takes on the delicate business of friendly correction without resorting to vengeance or disinterested criticism. As one saint said, “you can achieve more with a spoonful of honey than a barrel of vinegar.”

It is the Christian’s business to walk with Christ and to put aside anything that smacks of selfishness. The sense of solidarity among the faithful bids us pay attention to the self destructive and anti-community choices of some members. Thus, we must come to the aid of a weak member who has strayed from the right path in the best way we can by following the procedures, anchored in love, outlined in Matthew 18: 15-20.

There will always be differences and disagreements among the people of God, but to let them fester and destroy unity would be a grave error. This message challenges us individually and collectively to face these differences courageously in the right spirit so that unity and harmony may be fostered among the followers of Christ.

Strive to be tactful when you correct one another.

Fr. Hugh Duffy