A 75-year Harvard study to gauge the happiness level of men and women came to this conclusion. The most defining attribute of happiness was not wealth or career or possessions or fame or position, but good relationships. Are you surprised? You should not be for this answer is as old as the gospel itself.

As humans, we are meant to share our lives with one another. We are, after all, social creatures. The gospel offers verse after verse about good relationships which it holds in the highest regard, beginning with the relationship of God the Father with his only begotten Son ( Matthew 3 : 17 ). If you ever struggle for clarity in your relationship with someone, whether it be a spouse, a family member or a friend, the word of the Lord is there to guide you. In Matthew 18, the gospel offers excellent advice about mending a broken relationship. The parable of the prodigal son movingly illustrates the power of forgiveness in healing relationships. The good Samaritan shows the need for compassion in nurturing good relationships. Good relationships are at the heart of Jesus’s message of love. The word Jesus uses to describe his good relationship with his followers is, friend, for friendship is a mutual bond of trust and affection ( John 15 : 15 ).

Good relationships with others spring from a good relationship with yourself. This means allowing yourself to be truly who you are. If you have a good relationship with yourself, you’ll have good relationships with others. This is supported by scripture: “Love your neighbor as yourself” ( Mark 12 : 31 ). Many people, regrettably, are other people, never taking time to know themselves as they truly are.

Here are a few tips in cultivating good relationships:

1. Allow yourself to be seen for who you truly are.
   Many are conditioned to think they have to live by the rules of others, rather than accepting that they are unique in themselves, and “beautifully made” in the sight of God. Learn to accept yourself for who you really are, even with your imperfections, if you wish to accept others for the way they are, no strings attached.
2. Be grateful for the gift of life.
   Research shows that people who are grateful are healthier, less depressed, and more resilient during tough times. Show your gratitude to those around you. Have you noticed that Jesus could not work any miracles among those who were not grateful? ( Matthew 15 : 38 ).
3. Care for your needs.
   Eat well, Exercise often, Relax as needed, and Meditate. If you do not take care of yourself, especially your body and your soul, how can you take care of others? Taking care of your own needs boosts your self-confidence, helps you to live with more energy, and enables you to care of others.
4. Enjoy life.
   Make time to experience and share the joy of life. “I have come,” says the Lord, “that your joy may be full” ( John 15 : 11 ). Let’s be clear: If you are to bring joy to others, you must possess it yourself. Perhaps the important things in life are the times we can enjoy with our family and friends. A day without laughter is a wasted day.

—Fr. Hugh Duffy