“Be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  
—Ephesians 4:2

Have you ever thought of patience as an expression of love? St. Paul certainly did. He describes patience as the ability to bear “with one another in love.”

Love manifests itself in different ways. It may be a decision to put away childish things, to grow up and act like a mature and generous adult. Whatever its manifestations, love cannot exist without patience.  

Patience is preventative; that is, it allows you to react wisely when you want to avoid bad situations. When you are patient you are “slow to anger” (Proverbs, 15:18).

Patience stands in the doorway of understanding where anger is bracing to burst through. But, unlike anger, patience sees the whole picture before determining what action to take. It helps you to settle down, take a deep breath, and not overreact when people and events might overwhelm you. It is stopping problems in their tracks.  

When you are patient, you choose to control your emotions, rather than letting your emotions control you. Patience is the calm without the storm, rather than the calm before the storm.

When the disciples of Jesus got angry at the Samaritans they reacted impatiently and asked Jesus to rain down vengeance upon them.  Jesus refused to accede to their vengeful request. He chose the way of patience. We know from the story of the Samaritan woman at the well that Jesus became a friend of the Samaritans by patiently listening to the woman’s story and winning over, not only her but the whole village of Samaritans.  

Patience doesn’t rush to judgement. Rather, it puts feelings on hold so we can listen to other points of view and make the best decisions for the benefit of all concerned.  

Jesus insists on the importance of patience in settling disputes in Matthew 18, so as to bring about reconciliation between people. To begin with, those involved in a dispute should search patiently, by themselves, for a solution. If that works, then well and good. If that doesn’t work, Jesus recommends another step, calling on a witness so the matter can be looked at objectively. If that doesn’t resolve the matter, it should be put in the hands of the Lord. There is nothing more you can do about it except wait patiently for the Lord’s will to be done.

Such is the value of patience. It is not so much the ability to wait as the ability to be patient when you are waiting. 

Patience presupposes good will to be successful. Scripture says that the patient person seeks “after that which is good for one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:15). 

Patience does not come to us naturally. It requires constant sacrifice. It is something everyone needs to practice on a daily basis. Every day of our lives offers us new opportunities to exercise patience. To hold your tongue rather than give into a bitter remark, to endure bravely circumstances beyond your control like the coronavirus pandemic, to be compassionate with children who might try your nerves, to be considerate of the elderly and the feeble when things don’t go your way, are marks of a patient person. Patience takes work.

The Lord displayed constant patience with the shortcomings of His disciples, giving them time to catch up. Many of His apostles only appreciated Him after He was risen from the dead, and had ascended to His Father in Heaven. 

At the end of the day, you need to be patient with yourself. God is not finished with you yet.

Like a wound that heals by degrees, patience is a respecter of time.    

—Fr. Hugh Duffy