“Be patient, bearing with one another in love.”  
—Ephesians 4:2 

Love manifests itself in different ways. It may be an act of courage, risking one’s life to save a friend. It may be a decision to put away childish things to act like a mature adult. Whatever the manifestations, we are all born with this thirst for love. Our hearts desperately crave it the way our lungs crave oxygen. 

Have you ever thought of patience as an expression of love? St. Paul says it is and he describes patience as “bearing with one another in love.” 

Patience is a special kind of love. It is preventative; that is, it enables us to react wisely when we want to avoid bad situations. When you are patient you are “slow to anger” (Proverbs, 15:18). Patience stands in the doorway of understanding where anger is bracing to burst through. But, unlike anger, patience sees the whole picture before determining what action to take. It helps you to settle down, take a deep breath, and not overreact when people and events might overwhelm you. It is stopping problems in their tracks.  

When you are patient, you choose to control your emotions, rather than letting your emotions control you. Patience is the calm without the storm, not the calm before the storm. When the disciples of Jesus got angry at the Samaritans who wouldn’t let them pass through their district, they reacted impatiently and asked Jesus to rain down vengeance upon them.  

Jesus refused to accede to their request. He chose the way of patience. We also know from the story of the Samaritan woman at the well that Jesus became a friend of the Samaritans by patiently listening to the woman’s story and winning her over with love. 

Patience doesn’t rush to judgement. Rather, it puts feelings on hold so we can listen to other points of view and make the best decisions for the benefit of all concerned.  

In The Gospel of Matthew, chapter 18, Jesus emphasizes the importance of patience in settling disputes so as to bring about reconciliation. To begin with, those involved in a dispute should seek patiently, by themselves and without recriminations, for a solution. If that works, then well and good. If that doesn’t work, Jesus recommends calling on a witness so the matter can be looked at objectively. If that resolves the matter, then the matter is settled. If it is not resolved, it should be handed over to the Lord and his Church. There is nothing more you can do except wait patiently for the Lord’s will to be done. Such is the value of patience. It is not so much the ability to wait as the ability to be patient when you are waiting. 

Patience presupposes good will to be successful. Scripture says that the patient person seeks “after that which is good for one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:15). Patience, as an expression of love itself, does not come to us naturally. It is something everyone needs to practice on a daily basis. Every day of our lives offers us new opportunities to exercise patience. To hold your tongue rather than give in to a bitter remark, to be patient with children who might try your nerves, to be considerate of the elderly, the weak, and even yourself, when things don’t go your way, is the mark of a patient person.  

The Lord was patient at all times with those who did not understand Him. He displayed constant patience with the shortcomings of His disciples, giving them time to catch up with Him and His message. Many of His apostles only appreciated Him after He was risen from the dead. 

He was patient also with His enemies to His dying breath on the Cross when he said: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”  

If you want to act patiently, look to Jesus to help you.  

—Fr. Hugh Duffy