What do you make of Jesus’s assertion in today’s scripture that those who do the will of God are brothers and sisters and mother? Does this mean that Jesus wants us to turn our backs on our parents or to reject them? Certainly not! The fourth commandment explicitly compels us to honor our fathers and our mothers. When we look at the ways our parents have sacrificed for us we are looking at the finest form of earthly love. Studies have shown that whenever and wherever young people have lost their way in life, the vast majority, over eighty percent, come back to their parents for love and support. And, that’s how it should be! So, what does Jesus mean when He says that his brothers and sisters and mother are those who do God’s will?

Jesus is talking here about a higher form of commitment than filial love. He is not denigrating family love. Rather He wants us to understand that if we put God’s will first in our lives, we will love our families even more.

It has been said that love is a many splendored thing. C. S. Lewis wrote a fascinating book about the four loves. In this book, which I am paraphrasing, he beautifully describes love in four stages. The first kind of love is called Eros, namely; love between the sexes. The second type is filial love, namely; love between family members, between parents and children. The third kind is friendship which goes beyond ties of blood, and binds people together as kindred spirits. The fourth and highest form of love for Lewis is agape, that is; the unselfish love of God for all His children, great and small, which is bodied forth in the unique example of Christ. Agape love is the true challenge of every Christian, and it may even demand severing family ties, if necessary, in order to follow Christ.

Some time ago, it was reported in the media that a young girl tearfully turned her parents over to the police so that they could be cured of their drug addiction. That took enormous courage. She loved her parents too much to watch them destroy their lives. Everyone is bound to love his or her parents and family members, but love for family should never become an obstacle to the love of Christ who came on earth to show us God’s will.

Today’s scripture makes it clear that there is a cost to discipleship. You must love your parents, yourself, and the beautiful gift of life itself, but you should never love them more than the Lord. To love them more than Jesus would be to elevate the creature above the Creator. You will be put in situations where your own blood relations will try to drag you away from the Lord. It happened to great saints like St. Thomas Aquinas and St. Francis of Assisi. And, it could happen to you. This is why Jesus says: “Do you think I have come to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, I have come to bring division. From now on, in one house, there will be five divided, three against two and two against three.” (Luke 12:51-52).

The last thing anyone wants is dissension or confrontation among family members. We desire to live in peace, bur peace can only be achieved, ultimately, by sacrificing selfish desires in the interest of bringing Christ’s love and harmony into one’s life. A good family is made up of good individuals, and surely there is no better way to ensure good family individuals than by following the example of Christ, God’s Son, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

If you put God’s kingdom first in your life, Jesus says, everything else will fall into place (Matthew 6:33).

—Fr. Hugh Duffy